Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
