I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
