$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
