ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
