I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
