He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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