Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
