I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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