i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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