Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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