seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
