can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
