oh god the rape fog is back!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
