If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so let's talk penis.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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