im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
