I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
