WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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