so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
