It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
In America we eat man semen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
