Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I believe in your delicious
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
