Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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