she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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