I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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