there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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