They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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