An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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