You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
