oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
