He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
