its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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