The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
