1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
