it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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