singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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