I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
