All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
