just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
