We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
