You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
