it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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