I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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