I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
