I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
