My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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