If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
