Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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