Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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