These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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