I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We're too hungover to prance.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
