There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
