Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
