I will die if light touches me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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